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Archive for September, 2011

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Weekly News Jokes (9/18)

News jokes for last week! I have to figure out a better way to update this, the week before thing is a little confusing.

  • A bomb threat forced an emergency landing at Oakland airport, prompting- for the first time ever-the passengers to fear the solution more than the threat.
  • A Ukrainian man came in first in a dumpling contest, winning a jar of sour cream. Soon thereafter, he died, answering the age old riddle: how many dumplings does it take to kill a man? 10, the answer is 10.
  • Herman Cain, a man with more experience with pizza that politics, is in the running to become the GOP presidential nominee. That is not so much a joke as it is a stark reality check of the current state of the GOP.
  • Dorito inventor, Arch West, died Tuesday at the age of 97. At the funeral, his family intends to toss the flavored fried tortilla chips on his coffin, thereby recreating West’s greatest fear of laying dead under a pile of Doritos.
  • The U.N. council will consider a membership bid by the Palestinian government. The bid will include such arguements as, “aw come onnnnnnn,” “please?,” and “I’ll be your frienddddddd.”

I already feel this blog slipping out of my grasp, that can’t happen again.

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Some Articles from GNN

Articles

Weekly News Jokes (9/12)

These are my news jokes for the week of 9/12

  • Last Dragon star Leo O’Brien was hospitalized after being shot 3 times in Harlem, proving once again that it is not unreasonable to expect to be shot in Harlem.
  • Libyan’s have so far failed to agree to a new government, prompting fears of a predictable and stale story arc.
  • An Arkansas meteorologist was found asleep in tub next to dead man. It surprised no one as he had recently predicted that it would be raining men. It’s a long drop.
  • Mel Gibson is set to produce a film about a Jewish hero, and just like Passion of the Christ, he intends to make the Jews the villains.
  • A Dutch woman called her ex-boyfriend 65,000 times, one call short of the average amount of calls ex’s tend to make.
  • A captured giant crocodile is not eating and, as a result, is being checked for stress. Authorities are searching for a qualified psycho-analyst who has a very large couch.
  • A US Mint officer confessed to taking $2.4M worth of coins, arguing that he had a massive pile of laundry to do.
  • Dominique Strauss-Kahn admits ‘moral weakness’ in his infamous encounter with a hotel maid. Also, rape is now referred to as ‘moral weakness.’
  • An Hasidic man released “Faceglat,” a Facebook-like social networking site where the sexes are separated according to Jewish law. Many of the feature remain identical to Facebook, although you now have to poke through a sheet.
  • Apple lost another iPhone prototype in a bar. At this point, Apple should just give out their prototypes to drunk geeks.

-Look, they can’t all be knock-outs.

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An update for the ether.

I gots three updates:

  • I included all the posts from my last blog, RacialPolitik. This accomplished a few things:
    1. Adds bulk to this blog.
    2. Makes me feel like I’ve done more work than I have.
    3. Consolidates my failures.
    4. Maybe that last one isn’t a real point. I’m just glad to have put all my blog work in one place.

    So that’s good.

  • I put a lot of work into making this blog appealingly functional. I like it, I hope whoever reads it will too.
  • Today I realized I need a 9 to 5 job. Or an anytime job. Basically, I need a job. I discovered this as I left my house specifically to go to Subway for their Italian b.m.t. sandwich. I ate it and went home. Had I a job, this never would have happened.

So that’s that. I really need to write some new jokes to completion. From beginning to end. Punchline and all. Maybe in the morning.

Quotes

Oh crap.

Unknown

Unknown

I just read this on Community creator Dan Harmon’s blog:

I now have a signed copy of Gallo’s draft of Midnight Run.  The movie that, from hearing his stories, so few people believed in, that I feel like I could write for another twenty years, because, the scariest thing about creative work is also its greatest strength: nobody ever really knows what the fuck they’re doing.  We are puppets, all of us, waiting for invisible hands to violate and pleasure us.

That’s at once very liberating and very scary.

Here is the full entry. I’ve never seen Midnight Run.

http://danharmon.tumblr.com/post/7622054641/writer-george-gallo-was-on-paramounts-lot